July 6th, 2005

Kittens +  Grenade

Introspection ambush

Severe emotional exhaustion over the past few days. I think I am recuperating, since I have recognized it.

I am trying not to spend all my time wishing it was Friday. One should live in and experience the moment, lest you pass your entire life longing for a time other than the present. Time will pass at precisely the same rate, whether you will it or no. After all, the only time we genuinely inhabit is the present - we can't go back to the past, and the future will become the present slowly and inexoribly, after which it becomes the past forever. And if we are still longing for the future when the future has become present, what good is that? Why, we've missed it all!

Little things I'm using to try to get by. Of course, this doesn't change the fact that I'm facing the cumulation of nearly two years of planning, waiting, and heartache, punctuated with moments of stark terror, self-blame and elation. Ah, I make it sound so terrible, but I will probably look back on this as a rather dark but stoic time. Of course having her here won't make all problems evaporate in a puff of smoke, and I'm certain we'll discover brand new ones. But for a time I will be so happy that won't matter.

Dawn is around the corner. The waiting is hard. It is an hour closer than it was an hour ago, and that's what I keep coming back to.
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    nick drake - day is done
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