Manawolf (manawolf) wrote,

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Seeking out ritual

Yes, well, I'm a little late for Rosh Hashana. (Another thing to repent for.) Pretend this was written Thursday.

If you don't know, Rosh Hashana is a time when we apologize and make amends, if possible, to anyone we have hurt via word, deed or omission.

Who have I hurt.

I have hurt others. I have hurt myself. For the most part I think I have done this through omission - by not doing things, rather than doing things that hurt. But, there's probably a little bit of that in there too.

I have not been a good friend to many. I have not been there for people I care about, when I ought to have been. I have not been a good daughter. I have not been a good sister. I have been a neglectful gardener and animal caretaker. I have been a lazy employee. I have ignored my own needs, allowed myself to lay fallow, and in so doing both shortchanged myself and harmed others, because I was unable to do what I should have been able to do for them.

This is not ALL I have been. This isn't a pity rant. But I have been these things, through the past year and through my life (but the past year is enough to atone for on one holiday). There are what I feel are good reasons for many of these things. This does not erase them.

My friends, I'm sorry I have not been there for you during times of need.

My family, I'm sorry for not keeping in touch.

</a></b></a>sardonicus, I'm sorry for making your life more difficult than it had to be (even a little tiny bit).

</a></b></a>otana </a></b></a>otana, I'm sorry for everything I've ever promised which I did not fulfill (even the little tiny things).

</a></b></a>chythar, I'm sorry for making things hurt more than they had to.

</a></b></a>jade_darkness, I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted me to be.

I would like to say I'll never do any of these things ever ever again. But I know better. I can't snap my fingers and make my faults go away. However I will try, at least, not to make the same mistakes.

No, this year, they'll be brand spanking new mistakes. ;) As much as possible, at any rate.

EDIT: Ack! Forgot to apologize to myself.

Myself... I'm sorry for not taking better care of you, for belittling you and not trusting you.

And stuff along those lines.

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