Meh...
mood: 
blah
blahChythar came by last night to take Sardonicus to work out, and dropped off a bag of stuff. "I tripped over the box this was in!" ... Uh huuuh. I'm not entirely sure what I am supposed to feel re this statement, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to be coerced into feeling it. If I sound bitter... well, going through some old entries has unearthed some things, none of which I am able to describe at the moment, except perhaps by comparing it to stirring a stick in at the bottom of a lake and then it is all murky and icky.
I need to lure more birds to the garden or something, bugs are eating my roses to pieces.
If you think you'll have fun, go! Life is too short to worry about who will be where or what might happen if you bump into someone you don't care for. Go out and have a good time and if you meet someone you don't like, just be civil and keep on having a good time! Living well is the best revenge, after all.
*snug* You and a couple of others I know really do worry too much.
Also, I did not really enjoy myself the last time I went. The activities are not generally those I enjoy. Last time I ended up wandering around by myself, mopey, waiting for the thing to break up so we could go to the afterparty.
So no, I DON'T think I'll have fun, thank you very much. There is only a slight chance of it, and I have to weigh that against past experience and certain discomfort.
The attitude of "don't worry be happy" is truly wasted on those for whom it is effortless.
How about, instead...
I hope you have a fun time this weekend, whatever you do.
I understand you meant it well, but from my perspective it very much feels like belittling my problems. "Oh, you can be happy if you just try!" ... Uh huh.
If it really was no different from your singular impression of my life attitude garnered from a brief meeting, and it really was that easy, why the fuck would I be having a hard time with it?
Telling me to just decide to have a good time is like telling someone with muscular dystrophy to just get out there and dance.
If it matters, I've battled the manic-depression demon myself. My life has been a series of buildups to great successes that I've always managed to handgrenade in spectacular fashion right at the end. But no more. We can talk about that in a more secure locale sometime later if you want. For now, for what good it does, know that you are an impressive person with impressive talents, and that some wolves have more empathy than sense.
My apologies if I've offended you. No, it's not a little problem at all.
Unfortunately, I can't make it this year, either. I have an animation exposition I've volunteered for and it will be going on all day and well into the evening.
a few random thoughts from Mom
2. My favorite quote from Zen philosopher Alan Watts:
The best way to make muddy water clear is to leave it alone.
Given my own propensities to jump in and create havoc, or poke hornets' nests, this has become something of a personal mantra. Clear water . . . clear water . . .
I have to be there myself- kind of volunteered to do some stuff like run the grill, set up a canopy and the like.
I think I need ot log in more often- I usually forget and just cruise the non-logged buddies list of recent entries.
Hopefully, I will manage to come visit some time- now that I am THIS close to finally getting out from under the crushing commission demon....
-Badger-