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Kittens +  Grenade

I am a shiny thing

Um, yeah.

So, I cannot set boundaries, and I cannot set limits. They're all very well and fine in theory, but when it comes down to the moment to say No, I think I am being selfish, or chicken, or passing up on a chance for experience, and waffle myself into whatever I really should not be doing. (Unless I have a hard & fast external rule to refer to - i.e., when I was in college & had promised chythar I wouldn't do drugs, I didn't do drugs.  It's easy when something falls into categories.)

I overextend myself. I give too much. I erase my own needs and limits in favor of what I think other people may need or want. The fun part is, I cannot tell. I am so busy enjoying myself on other people's behalf that I don't really know what I would rather be doing.

I'm being dramatic, it's not always like that. I will not characterize all my social relationships that way, and I don't wish to throw guilt trips upon my genuine friends. But I really honestly do give of myself what I shouldn't. Giving is okay, but I do not know where to draw the line.

So, I have gone into a period of withdrawal, tending to my own house, figuring out my needs, living my life for once instead of ten other people's. Trying to figure out what's going on in this thing called life, where I'm going, how I want things to be. And I'm lucky enough to have found two people who make this possible, who actually love me for me, who actually care about me and not about what they get out of me.

And it seems that other people to whom I have given are jealous of what they are no longer recieving. I feel like a shiny thing that has been tugged around by masses, and when said shiny thing retreats to actually take care of itself, children cry because they no longer have the shiny thing that made them feel good.

Honestly. I have given so. much. And now, I'm not giving so that I can actually take care of myself, and I get people upset about it? I maybe should feel flattered that I am missed or wanted, but that's hard when it doesn't feel like people are doing it because they care about me - just because they miss what I used to give them.

The shiny thing needs to tend to itself for a while. Real friends will understand, and not ask of the shiny thing what it is not giving. Everyone else - fill in the goddamned blank.

Left public because, god knows, there's just not not enough drama on the Internet. 

Comments

You know I love you, yeah?
P. S. I know this isn't about me.

Just making sure you know about the whole loving you thing.
Yeah. Right on both counts. <3
I confess, I keep refreshing your journal to watch it change colors.

*grin and lick you face*
lol i am playing with it as you watch
Shiiiiiiiineah....
And you know we love you as well *snuglick*
squeee
Nooooo, we're not related. Nooooo, I don't do similar stuff.... Not at all... XP

I will seriously beat these children who cry over teh lost shinee over the head with a ferret. Or something. BAD people, no cookie!

*nuzzle* Figure out what you want. We'll be here for you when you do. :)

Nononono...

...stuff sugar cubes down their pants, then stuff the ferrets in their pants legs! No reason to bludgeon the poor ferrets using them as blackjacks. =^.^=
I am not the big talker, you know that. So just a big hug. And do what you have to do for yourself. Love you just the way you are!
Of course we understand!

Take care of yourself, sweetie!
It's patheic really...how selfish people can be without any regards to your feelings.

I have been guilty of such things in the past, but thankfully my outlook on life has changed dramatically. I am sorry that you are suffering and I wish that other would understand the need to be alone from time to time. I for one crave my 'alone time' more and more...

heh. ...most likely why I lack a social life... XD

Glad you realize this

Sometimes I see that with my boyfriend. He hyperextends himself and occasionally never gets any real appreciation out of that person. It doesnt happen very often but I hate when it does. I have also had to learn how "not to help" sometimes because people start treating you as a door mat they can minipulate into doing thier dirty work, manipulate with words, actions or guilt.
Yeah, we really do love you.
I may not be your bestest friend, but I still care. *hugs*

-Scotty

Yes

Hiyas,
yes, i've been finding i too need time spent inwards to rebuild, asses, recover ...

if you're up for it - drop by party tonight at my place ;)
4-11 at 3314 old topanga cyn rd 90290

Luyah
Do what you need to do for you first.

The ones that love you best will love you regardless.

The ones who do not, and are complaining, deserve to be discarded, kicked to the curb, and ignored.

*hugs*

Understood

You have to do what you must sweetie, Im proud that you are doing actualy.. you have an aura about yourself that makes others want to be with you and that I don't think, should ever be stopped, but you should also think about yoruself and close door's so to speak.

I do care for you, I've admitted it and put my foot so far up my mouth it was sticking out my ear once, but it's painfuly genuine. You have the perfect unity and it is somthing worth protecting from any further drama, I can only pray to Bastet that oneday I find the situation that I can close the door with too.
These are mistakes I've been prone to make as well.

Only... are they all really mistakes? Or are they just over reactions by others?

Thoughts?